You’ve had your gorgeous baby, you’ve brought him or her home, taken hundreds of pictures tagging each other with mushy captions in the process. You’ve shared your sleepless nights, days when you are so tired that you blissfully ignore each other or talk about nothing but baby but now the blurriness is starting to wane and the weeks are starting to pass and you realise, oh hello you, I haven’t noticed you in a while! So what now? How do you get back to the couple you were before baba arrived?
Well for starters, try and start listening to each other again. Us women especially, tend to be in such Mama Bear mode that we don’t actually listen to what Dad has to say on parental matters or more importantly how he’s feeling about being a new Father. Women tend to naturally want to do the majority of the work, especially if you are breastfeeding, you may prefer to feed yourself rather than express but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t tired too. If he is working, you can guarantee that he is applying himself more so than ever in order to compensate for the fatigue he’s feeling, which in turns makes him more tired when he gets home. It can be overwhelming at times, so sometimes it’s nice to ask, how are you? Simple yet works wonders! Dad feels that he’s being listened to and not neglected and you feel like you actually have a partner, not just a baby, everyone wins.
That’s the easy stuff though, the romantic side of things takes a little more work!
Date nights, I cannot stress enough how important these are. I know you don’t like leaving baba but honestly, you will enjoy yourself. Depending on what type of Mama you are, there are different levels of enjoyment. If you are nervous one, you will probably call the child minder 10 times and be anxious throughout the night but will feel happy in the long run that you got it out of the way, had some adult conversation and managed to get a dolled up enough to even feel a little like yourself again. If you are the easy going type, then needless to say you will thoroughly enjoy yourself and relish the thought of leaving baby for a few hours to yourself. When it comes to the men though, they usually all love a little break, especially if a pint and a date with your beautiful self is involved.
Men are visual creatures and of course they love seeing you as a Mother but they also like seeing you as your normal feminine self, the woman they fell in love with so sometimes it is nice to have a date night to remind yourselves why you had a baby in the first place.
Date nights don’t have to be fancy affairs, they could be a lunch, a cinema date, maybe even coffee. Of course the big one is going for drinks but depending on your child minder, you may not be able to do this or want to do this as you will have to look after baba the next day and trust me it’s hard to give full attention with a sore head! That said, there is nothing better than going for a tipple with the other half and having a little shimmy to some music, putting baba to the back of your mind for a few well deserved hours of fun.
Now time to get to the nitty gritty….date nights pre-baba usually ended with a fumble under the sheets am I right? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that’s not always the way after!
If you are going on a date soon after baba is born, you may still be restricted by the 6 week no sex ban as your lady area heals. If you are past the 6 weeks and ok to go, you may not have had the time to arrange birth control yet or maybe you want another child but haven’t had that discussion yet and are in two minds about the whole thing and therefore nervous. If you are nervous, you will not enjoy it, so in my humble opinion, there is no point doing it! Decide on what you want and then you can have some fun at a later date night! He will have to make do with a cheeky shift to get him by until then. If you are like me and had a somewhat difficult birth (think stitches, emergency caesarean, blood and lots of it-sorry for the visual) you will be in absolutely no humour whatsoever to do the no pants dance. In fact, even the thought of it repulses you. I have researched this a little actually and it’s quite interesting really, apparently it is because subconsciously you are afraid of getting pregnant again because you do not want to go through the labour again but really at the time none of that came into my head at all. I honestly thought-no no not my poor ninny, she’s been through enough already, leave her alone! I found eating garlic quickly put an end to his approach, a little similar to warding off vampires!
In all seriousness though, you will get your mojo back, it’ll take time but it will happen when you are both ready and it will be simply lovely and worth the wait.
On a side note, if you are in any way apprehensive about your post baby body, don’t be. You are beautiful, you have just created life and you will naturally get back to your old self in time and even if you don’t, that is just how it is. Your body changes, you have stretchmarks in places you never even thought you could get and that’s alright. He won’t even notice a change; he’ll probably be so relieved that the drought is over that he won’t give you a minute’s peace! Top tip though is a silky slip, whether you decide to go for La Perla’s finest or a Penneys best, there are gorgeous ones available at every price and they hide a multitude of sins while still being sexy and appealing to the man in your life.
So all in all, date nights are great, you, you will feel like a new woman after, your other half will be grateful and new things that baba does are more exciting because you have had that little break away from them in order to appreciate them even more.